A disagreement with death by Craig Shaw Gardner

Author:Craig Shaw Gardner [Gardner, Craig Shaw]
Format: epub
Tags: Science fiction, General, Fiction, Fantasy, Fantasy - General, Fiction - Fantasy
ISBN: 9780441149247
Publisher: New York : Ace Books, 1989.
Published: 1989-12-14T16:00:00+00:00

ELEVEN

“There is no business like show business”. There is also no business like certified public accounting, but that doesn’t rhyme as well.”

From Wake Up and Conjure: A Wizard’s Guide to Everyday Life, fourth edition, by Ebenezum, greatest wizard in the Western Kingdoms

“But—“ Hubert began.

“The beer that made Mel Famey walk us!” Ferdie declared.

“I’ve come for the man who shot my paw!” Dewey added.

“No one’s going to make a gosh darn canoe out of me!” Hubert replied after a moment’s consideration.

The dragons laughed at some length.

“That’s the spirit!” Ferdie said encouragingly.

“Nothing special,” Hubert stated. “Just show biz in the blood.”

“That’s exactly what we’re looking for!” Dewey trumpeted. “And we’re all ready for you. Everybody’s gathered back at the landing plateau!”

“That’s awfully nice, fellows,” Hubert began, “but—“

“And they’re calling for you!” Ferdie cried.

“They are?” Hubert smiled. “Well, let’s not keep them waiting!”

“But Hubert!” I whispered in the dragon’s ear. Hadn’t he promised his brother to leave quickly? And hadn’t we wasted enough time here in our search for my master?

Hubert made a shushing sound as he walked to meet the other dragons.

“Oho,” Ferdie pointed out. “So now the other tidbit is bothering you?”

“Yes, they do seem like such an annoyance,” Dewey agreed. “I’m sure you’ll feel much better once you’re rid of them.”

“But—“ Hubert began.

“You’ve held out on us for long enough!” Dewey insisted. “It’s time for a snack.”

“It’s time for escape,” Snarks whispered in my ear.

But Hubert shook his head vehemently.

“No, it is not,” our dragon allowed. “Not with these fellows.”

I silently repressed a cheer. Hubert would not let us down!

“Why not?” Ferdie demanded.

“Give us one good reason!” Dewey chorused.

“Urn. A good reason?” Hubert replied uncertainly.

“Dragon’s dinner, here we come,” Snarks whispered.

But Hubert brightened, shouting: “Because they’re part of the show!”

“Part of the show?” the two reptiles said in unison, the disappointment plain upon their dragon faces.

“I guess we’ll have to wait, then,” Dewey spoke reluctantly.

“At least until after the performance,” Ferdie agreed.

“Very good,” Hubert remarked with the proper note of imperiousness. “Now stand aside, so that my assistants and I might prepare for the show.”

The other dragons deferentially made way for Hubert and his retinue.

“In show business,” Hubert explained when we had reached a sufficient distance from the others, “it sometimes pays to be difficult.”

“If that’s the case,” Snarks rejoined, “you should be incredibly wealthy.”

I ignored the demon’s remark, for I had other things on my mind.

“Indeed,” I asked Hubert, “we’re now part of the performance?”

“Don’t worry,” the dragon assured me. “We’ll fake it.”

“Fake it?” Snarks replied miserably. “Maybe I should have been a dragon’s dinner, after all.”

“You may still have a chance,” Hubert remarked, “if the performance doesn’t go well.”

“Indeed?”’ I asked somewhat reluctantly.

Hubert nodded. “Dragons, as a rule, do not constitute a forgiving audience.” He reached up and took off his top hat. “But here. You need to learn your lines.” He pulled two sheaves of parchment from inside the hat brim, and handed them to me. I passed one of the two on to Snarks.

“You actually keep your music in your hat?” the demon asked incredulously.

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